Man I love paratexts. Yessss tell me more about a piece of media that doesn’t exist and that I will never be able to consume in the ways the characters can.

you can make a real life Candle Cove but it won’t be the Candle Cove the creepypasta was about. you can make a real life Navidson Record but it won’t be the Navidson Record House of Leaves discusses. you can make a real life King in Yellow play but it won’t be the cursed King in Yellow play that messes with your head. you can make a real life Goncharov but it won’t be the Goncharov that could have existed.

the crab day thing kind of proves staff must think we're all fucking idiots

hi there. tumblr as a website is currently operating at a deficit because nobody wants to pay for ad free browsing. this is because basic quality-of-life features are either nonexistent or malfunctioning, our staff refuses to take the most trivial of anti-hate speech measures despite demonstrating the tools to do so against minority bloggers, and every form of content moderation is heavily and transparently weighted against the LGBT community. as the people in charge, we have decided that we're going to ignore all of those factors and instead make an appeal to nostalgia to get you to buy dumb cosmetic bullshit for your dashboard while we threaten to turn the website into an even less functional twitter clone, much like how all the smartest shipwrights in the 1920s decided to model their new vessels after the RMS Titanic.

I like to say ____ jumpscare whenever I see something that I recognize

*walks into bookstore, sees Hall & Oates cd, is not jumped or scared whatsoever* omg Hall & Oates jumpscare

Willard is SUCH a funny character because like, he’s explicitly a wish fulfillment OC for three seperate people for six different reasons

like all of the game masters made up a guy who wouldn’t have Sinned and then got really sad that he isn’t real. He has 3 custom animations just for him. He’s a functional “check your answer” sheet for Umineko. He’s got a cat he takes really good care of in possibly the most unsubtle metaphor Ryukishi’s made yet. He turns to the camera and says that if you’re obsessed with finding out Beato’s “canonical” agab you’re a loser. His theme is so iconic that they made it Beato’s image song.

stella: i think you should write this scene so that [perspective character] shoots the other guy

me: and yet you won't watch wrestling with me because it's too violent

stella: yeah... that's scary... it's my sensitive and delicate rabbit heart which I inherited from my father :(

the thing about wrestling is that images and videos of people getting hurt freak stella out, but i get really hyped about the art of selling and making the impact and brutality of fights appear realistic while maintaining the safety of the participants. but also watching wrestling clips makes me pace around like a zoo animal wishing that I was fighting someone. so it’s all for the best that it’s banned from our household

I didn’t realise this until adulthood but handmade birthday piñatas are the apex of parental devotion. I spent the week cooking for my ravenous teenage cousins and felt a bit crestfallen at times that I was spending so long making something that was going to disappear within minutes—but with piñatas it’s so much worse, they exist to be savagely maimed. Year after year my father asked his kids what shape they wanted this year’s piñatas to be and he spent weeks painstakingly making them in the basement after work, only to watch a bunch of oversugared bat-wielding kids gleefully destroy them in less than 10 minutes. 

I mentioned this to him and he said he remembered researching tarantula anatomy for the giant spider piñata I asked for when I was 4, trying to make the fangs the right shape and to cut the crepe paper into very thin ribbons so the thing would look appropriately fuzzy, and I was like “and I don’t even remember it because I was four!! spending so long building a beautiful object only so your kids will have fun destroying it, knowing they won’t even remember it, is such a selfless endeavour” and he said “my other motivation was that you said you wanted the spider to look real & scary so the kids at your birthday party would be terrified of it and you’d get to scoop up all the candy and I wanted to support your slyness & ambition”

the "cats slowblink to show affection so i do it back so they know it's reciprocated" to "i just reflexively slow blinked at a human being" pipeline

please do not fall for staff claiming trans womens faces being labeled mature is a “bug” i have had nudes and cis women in lingerie blazed to me CONSTANTLY with zero content labels or warnings, clearly any labels being added to posts are done by people. that and any text posts criticizing staffs rampant terf and nazi problem being labeled mature as well. it is very blatant obvious transmisogyny on staffs end and theyre giving up a flimsy excuse to try and avoid liability on the legal end of things

somehow instead of saying "as a treat", I've started using the phrase "for morale", as if my body is a ship and its crew, and I (the captain) have to keep us in high spirits, lest we suffer a mutiny in the coming days.

and so I will eat this small block of fancy cheese, for morale. I will take a break and drink some tea, for morale. I will pick up that weird bug, for morale.

I'm not sure if it helps, but it does entertain me

When you see a take that is clearly not Seeing